Dating and Technology: A True Prisoner's Dilemma
By Margaret Guillemette JGSM '11, Compiled By Alexandra Tsakeres JGSM '11
Issue date: 11/2/09 Section: Features
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Why don't mutually-attracted couples go on dates anymore?
Technology has changed the way modern couples pursue each other in the dating world. Whereas mutually-attracted couples used to establish a flirtation in person, it is now common practice for mutually-attracted couples to establish a flirtation via some media-based communication such as e-mail or text. In the former example, it was always the boy's responsibility to ask a girl out on a date, but in the modern era the responsibility falls equally on both parties. It would seem that placing the responsibility on two parties instead of one would increase the likelihood of a date, yet mutually-attracted, modern couples rarely get out of the "media-based flirtation" stage of a relationship. So why don't modern couples go on dates anymore? The answer is that dating is a strategic game, and the modern couple has backed itself into a prisoner's dilemma in which neither party knows what the other is thinking. Without body language, neither party is able to tell if the other is genuinely interested and therefore never elevates the relationship to the next level of dating. Both parties suffer as a result.
As shown in the Payoff Matrix for Modern Dating below, the dominant strategy for both parties is to not ask the other out on a date. The logic behind this rationale is simple. No matter what the girl does, the boy fares better by not asking the girl out, and no matter what the boy does, the girl fares better by not asking the boy out. If the boy does not ask the girl out and the girl asks the boy out, the boy gets an ego boost, and this outcome is far more agreeable to him than if they both ask each other out, for in this situation the boy is forced to endure an awkward moment in which his masculinity is challenged. Similarly, if the girl does not ask the boy out and the boy does not ask the girl out, the boy saves face and this is worth more to him than the risk of rejection he faces if he asks her out. No matter what, he will do better by not asking her out.
From the girl's perspective, if the girl does not ask the boy out and the boy does not ask the girl out, the girl maintains her classiness, and this outcome is more agreeable to her than if she asks the boy out and the boy does not ask her out in which scenario she is forced to endure an ego dump and a loss of self-respect. Similarly, if the girl does not ask the boy out and the boy asks the girl out, the girl gets to keep her dignity and does not have to deal with the awkward moment created in the situation where both the girl and the boy ask each other out. No matter what, she will do better by not asking him out. At the end of the day, it would be better for both parties if they asked each other out, but self-interest gets in the way and prohibits both the boy and the girl from enjoying the benefits of an actual date.
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