Cornell Business

Issue date: 12/1/09 Section: Johnson News

November 22, 2009, the Frozen A$$ets and Johnson School faculty and staff took to Lynah Rink for their annual grudge match. Without last year's powerhouse Sarah Gardent, the Frozen A$$ets were a mystery coming into this game; though, it was clear they had the faculty outmatched without perennial ringers Christine Sneva and Randall Sawyer suiting up.

In spite of Zachary Shulman's hat trick, the Frozen A$$ets prevailed in the third period with a little creative clockwork by Kevin Shuller, Ryan Cole, and Josh Cunningham in the announcement booth.

Here's the play-by-play as the Johnson spectators saw it from mid-ice:

3:45PM: A rousing rendition of the "Star-Spangled Banner" by our very own Shannon Armstrong got things off to the right start. What, no "O Canada" for Brian McMeekin?

3:50PM: The faculty team takes the first faceoff.

3:51PM: Kevin Shuller asserts himself early as announcer, noting how tight Padraic McConville's skinny jeans are.

4:00PM: Ben Ho goes down hard as Lori McMahon makes a statement. The Frozen A$$ets are out for blood.

4:01PM: Goal by Ashley Szporka for the Frozen A$$ets!!! She just made Glen Dowell in the Flyers jersey look silly-though, he was already doing a good job by himself with that ridiculous Movember porn 'stache.

4:03PM: Dowell tries to save face with a shot on goal. Great save by Alyssa Anderson at goalie for the Frozen A$$ets!

4:05PM: Huge save by the faculty team's goalie Moogabow against Ashley Grove's breakaway. Who is this guy anyway? Did the faculty recruit a ringer?

4:06PM: End of the first period, the score stands at 1 - 0 Frozen A$$ets.

4:10PM: Frozen A$$ets win the faceoff but lose control of the puck early.

4:12PM: Zach Shulman scores an easy goal for the faculty!!!

4:15PM: Showing off her skating skills, Olivia Dan checks herself into the wall and out of the game. Ouch!

4:16PM: Padraic McConville just face planted into the ice, chasing down an errant puck! Oh my, too bad there's no room for padding in those jeans.

4:18PM: Zach Shulman scores his second goal with an assist by Greg Hubbell! Doesn't seem to faze the Frozen A$$ets; though, McMeekin is clearly itching to get in there.

4:20PM: Ashley Szporka gets checked into an open goal by Greg Hubbell in the Labatt jersey. Penalty box, buddy, two minutes-pick on somebody your own size.

4:25PM: Tammy Tran has a mid-ice collision with librarian Susan Kendrick.

Continued...

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